Everyone's Dog is a Snitch

It's said that your pet reveals a lot about you, but could it actually be possible for your pet to tell the neighbours what you've been eating?

I'm not talking about a dog puking all over the street - this curious phenomenon came to my attention fairly recently when I noticed a tomato plant growing in our back yard.

What the fuck is that? I asked the husband.

It's a tomato plant. Can't you see the tomatoes growing on it?

Yeah, but why are we planting tomatoes? And why is it growing in the middle of nowhere? [Subtext: Can you see straight when you plant?]

I didn't do that [Subtext: Yes, I can see straight.]. It was Angus (the dog). He pooped over there and it grew a plant.

That's fantastic. Now we can have some nice free organic tomatoes. And if we keep this up, we could have an organic farm with all my favorite vegetables! Too bad the dog has to be the middleman.

I passed the neighbour's yard this morning and notice they have some lovely portabella mushrooms in full bloom.